There are some questions that may never be answered. Does God exist? Are we alone in the universe? How many baseball players actually did steroids? But one age old question that will be answered today is who would win in a brawl between the characters from Saved by the Bell and Full House. 2 classic shows – but just one winner emeriging victorious as supreme champion of cheesy 90’s sitcoms. I don’t know about you, but I’m on the edge of my seat. So as Michelle Tanner would say, “Grab some ouce-cream,” hitch a ride to the Max, and lets watch the spectacle together.
Match-up #1: Battle of the Main Characters
Zack Morris Vs Danny Tanner
Ah yes, the 2 big cheeses. This is a tight first match-up. Danny is tougher than he acts. Remember when he proved his athletic prowess by helping win a 3 on 3 basketball tournament for charity? Also, Danny would use a variety of cleaning supplies which include many deadly chemicals when you get them in your eye. And he knows the intricate parts of all them. I guess you could say he would clean Zack’s clock…hahaha. But seriously. Danny is a tough opponent, but Zack has the ultimate move that is just unblockable. “Time!” That’s right. Zack could just call a time-out and freeze everything. Danny would be helpless. After calling time, Zack would then procede to hit Danny with his giant cell phone. A bloody end to Mr. T as Kimmy Gibbler would say.
Winner: Zack Morris
Saved by the Bell: 1 Full House: 0
Match-up #2: Battle of the Fashionables
Lisa Turtle Vs DJ Tanner
The big fashion battle. Although DJ matured on the show, she was always obsessed with fashion and how she looked. Remember when she wanted to spend $160 on blowouts, “the raddest” sneakers this side of San Fran. But Lisa was also a fashion obsessed maniac. That’s what she always wanted to study in college. So who would win between these 2 fashionables? Well, I got to give it to Lisa Turtle on this one. I think DJ gets a little too emotional sometimes. She wouldnt hold it together. And besides, Lisa is always on her guard. She has to fend off Screech all the time. Another Saved by the Bell victory. An early 0-2 hole for Full House.
Winner: Lisa Turtle
Saved by the Bell: 2 Full House: 0
Match-up #3: Battle of the Goofballs
Samuel “Screech” Powers Vs Joey Gladstone
This is a very close fight, but lets face it – these guys are going to inflict more pain on themselves rather than each other. Both fighters have a lot to offer here. Screech is always involved with crazy schemes and science projects that tend to go awry. Joey can psyche Screech out with his many voice talents and could always employ the help of Mr. Woodchuck. Ultimately what this comes down to though is that Joey was a pretty good hockey player in college. I think that gives him the slight edge. Besides, Screech is a bit more accient prone than Joey. He would probably lose the fight himself by getting struck by lightning just like on the show. What a mess. Score one for the House!
Winner: Joey Gladstone
Saved by the Bell: 2 Full House: 1
Match-up #4: Battle of the Forgettable Characters
Jessie Spano Vs Stephanie Tanner
Lets be honest. We could have done without these characters. They were just kind of there. Nothing special about them. But they were part of their respective shows and deserve a chance in the spotlight. I think Jessie has the clear edge. She’s going to train like crazy for this fight by studying every one of Steph’s moves, including the dreaded Mr. Bear Beatdown. But we all know how this is going to play out. Jessie will get to hyped up on caffine pills, freak out, and be the cause of her own demise, basically giving Steph the win by default. After a quick “How Rude,” Steph ties it up for the Tanner clan.
Winner: Stephanie Tanner
Saved by the Bell: 2 Full House: 2
Match-up #5: Battle of the Hair
AC Slater Vs Uncle Jesse
Although both characters spend a lot of time on their hair, this one is not even close. AC Slater destroys Uncle Jesse. The guy is on the wrestling team, football team, and looks terrifying in a Bayside tank top. What’s Uncle Jesse going to do? Sing him a Beach Boys song. Slater will not show Uncle Jesse any “mercy.” An utter domination from the Bell. It’s up to you know who to tie up for Full House…
Winner: AC Slater
Saved by the Bell: 3 Full House: 2
Match-up #6: Battle of the Perky
Kelly Kapowski Vs Michelle Tanner
They were beloved. They were adorable. They were sweet and nice. But which one of them wins it all? Let’s look at the stats. Kelly was a cheerleader. Michelle was a Honey Bee. Kelly was Zack’s girlfriend. Michelle bought a donkey one time. It’s a tough one. But I have to give this one to…Michelle. Yup. First of all, I just think Kelly is too darn nice. She also needs to depend on other people. Whether it be Zack or her short flirtation with Slater, she always needs to rely on a boyfriend. She only gets by because of smarter friends Jessie and Lisa. I just don’t see the fire. Also, I think Michelle would have access to a very powerful weapon…Commet. Yea, the Tanner dog. Commet would obey her every whim. Kelly’s cheerleading would be powerless against it. So does Michelle come through in the clutch for Full House…”You Got it Dude.”
Winner: Michelle Tanner
Saved by the Bell: 3 Full House: 3
Uh-Oh. We’re tied up. Don’t worry, I was prepared for this. It looks like we are going into sudden death. I have 2 very special fighters waiting in the wings. This one will decide it.
Match-up #7: Battle of the Annoying Sidekicks
Mr. Belding Vs Kimmy Gibler
Oh boy. What a battle. What can we say about these 2? They are really fricking annoying. But they’ll have to decide it. I think this fight comes down to 1 important element. Each fighter will pull out their best move, and this 1 move will determine it all. So here it comes. Mr. Belding’s annoying laugh against Kimmy’s bad foot odor. Both draw at the same time. Now Kimmy’s foot odor is strong, but Mr. Belding’s laugh is so deafening, it has the power to send the odor back towards Gibbler. It’s a battle of wills my friends. So who comes out on top…
Winner: Kimmy Gibbler
I just think the odor is a little stronger. This foot got DJ pulled over one time by a cop. Sorry Belding.
Saved by the Bell: 3 Full House: 4
Well there you have it. The Full House crew barely comes out alive. I guess that wraps it up. And remember, “Every where you look it’s alright because you’re saved by the bell.”