Mario Brothers Chess: Fail!

If there’s one thing that really sets me off, it’s when human beings make illogical decisions.  So illogical that you have to think about how they came to that conclusion and it ruins your entire day.  That’s what happened to me the other day when I was at the book store.

While walking around Borders Books, I came across their very small board game section.  They had a lot of different things but it was mostly 25 different versions of Monopoly.  I actually like all the different Monopoly versions, but that’s a story for another day.  Anyway, one of the games they had was Chess.  Oh, but not just any Chess…Super Mario Brothers Chess.  Now I had to look at this thing because it really intrigued me.  From what I can understand, it’s just normal Chess but with Mario Brother characters replacing the generic Chess pieces.  They have the Mario side and the Bowser side.  For example, Bowser is the “King” piece on the evil side.  Okay, fair enough.  In fact, glancing quickly at the evil side decisions, I was mostly fine with it.  It’s the Mario Brothers side that really pissed me off.

First off, let me talk about where they had Mario which was annoying, but only mildly annoying.  He was the “King” piece as well.  This is frustrating because the “King” piece doesn’t do much.  You just have to protect him.  I’ve maybe played Chess once in my life, but I know this much.  I get Mario is the key character, so the natural inclination would be to make him a King, but Mario is a fighter and should be a Bishop or Knight or something.  The King should be like Toad or one of the Elder Toads that Mario has to protect.  But I accepted this.  It’s the decision of Luigi and Princess Peach that really wanted to make me throw several objects angrily against the wall.  They make Luigi the “Queen” piece.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!  This is so illogical.  How on earth does the maker of this game come to that conclusion and not make Princess the Queen!  SHE’S A PRINCESS!  This is so ridiculous for so many reasons.  Let’s begin:

First off, If Mario is the King than why would you not make Princess the Queen?  For the entire run of the Mario franchise, they are obviously in love, so why is it a stretch they would be married as King and Queen.  Oh, so Mario and Luigi are married?  Uh yea, they are brothers.  I’m not going to touch that one.  

Alright, let me play Devil’s Advocate here for a moment.  Let’s say the makers of this game said; “Okay, the Queen is the best piece in Chess, therefore it shouldn’t be the Princess because she is someone who is always in mortal danger.”  Alright, fine.  Then you would want to put the best Mario character as Queen.  But that’s Mario!  Why would it be Luigi?  Luigi stinks!  In the first Mario Galaxy, Mario has to save him because he can’t get down from trees.  Come on Luigi!  The game is called Mario Brothers, not Luigi Brothers.  Also, it’s not far fetched to make Princess the most powerful Chess piece.  In Mario Brothers 2, she was a playable character, and not only that, she was the best because she could fly.

I just think Luigi is a disastrous decision for Queen here.  How do they not say in the board meeting for Mario Chess, “Well, the Princess is obviously the Queen piece.”  Come on guys; think this through a little bit.  Luigi!  Unbelievable.

This topic gave me 7 ‘Oh Veys’ of annoyance out of 10


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