Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #6

Superman III (1983)

Plot: A corrupt business man (Robert Vaughn) employs Gus Gorman (Richard Pryor), a bumbling computer genius, to control weather satellites and oil tankers to his economic advantage.  When Superman (Christopher Reeve) gets in the way, man-made kryptonite is created, inflicting Superman with dangerous and personality altering results.

This exciting second Superman sequel begins with a scene at…the unemployment office?  Yea, the unemployment office…And after that, we get a “hysterical” opening credit sequence where people fall down and get pies in the face.  What kind of Superman movie is this?  Well, it’s an odd one.  It’s not terrible, but it’s certainly no where near the class of the first two.  The most interesting element to the story is Superman getting inflicted with kryptonite that’s not true kryptonite.  But the real problem here is that the villain is random business tycoon #6.  Come on, really?  That’s your villain for the third Superman movie?  Basically this film turns into Superman fighting a big computer, which was kind of entertaining, but it’s no where near the threat of the last entry.  Richard Pryor is tolerable, but there was no reason to get him for this role.  Christopher Reeve brings this movie to respectability, but the best way to describe Superman III is “whatever.”

Rating: 5.5 out of 10 (Very Passable Entertainment)

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout)

Best Performance: Christopher Reeve as Superman/Clark Kent
-With no more Marlon Brando, Gene Hackman, or Terence Stamp, Reeve is pretty much the only headliner.  He’s very strong here, especially when he has to play the darker Superman, which was the only interesting part about this whole movie.

Worst Performance: Pamela Stephenson as Lorelei
-Just listen to her voice and you’ll get why it’s the worst performance…unbearable.

Best Line: “I don’t want to go to jail because there are robbers and rapers and rapers who rape robbers.” –Gus Gorman
-This was Richard Pryor’s one humorous line, and really, this was my only option.  The dialogue was extremely bland.

Worst Line: “I ask you to kill Superman, and you’re telling me you couldn’t even do that one, simple thing.”  Ross Webster
-Do I have to explain why this is an idiotic line?

Best Fight:
-Bad Superman versus Clark Kent was pretty interesting.  Reeve really shines here as the bad Superman as these guys just bash each other to hell.  And when Clark eventually wins, we finally get the good Superman theme music, so that was nice.

WTF Moment:
-When Gus is taking over the computers in Smallville and starts controlling a bunch of random crap throughout the city, the walk symbol on a traffic light climbs into the top spot of the Don’t Walk symbol and they begin fighting.  Just writing about this is enough to make me cringe.  This is so stupid!  It was at that moment I stopped taking this series seriously.

Best Scene:
-When Superman has to save a chemical plant in Smallville that is engulfed in a massive fire was pretty good.  And once again, we see Reeve really take charge in the Superman role.

Worst Scene:
-Gus Gorman has to get drunk with the Smallville computer center security guard and it’s just really long and not funny.  This was a torturous scene.  Richard Pryor is rambling on about stuff, and my mind just drifted away.  And then he has this stupid moment where he takes the passed out security guard and ties him with a rope so they can turn their keys at the same time, and a drunken Pryor just continues to ramble on about nothing, and it just sucks, I hate this scene.

Funniest Moment:
-When Gus Gorman is doing his computer penny fraction pay check fraud thing it made me think of the movie Office Space when Michael Bolton tells Peter Gibbons their virus scheme is like Superman III.  I love Office Space, so there you go.

Bad Ass Moment:
-It’s easily when Superman flies to a nearby lake, freezes it, and then flies an entire lake back to the chemical plant fire to put it out.  I thought that was pretty damn cool.

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One comment

  1. Pingback: Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: THE FINAL RANKINGS « The Green Light

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