Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #34

Blade (1998)

Plot: Blade (Wesley Snipes) is half-human/half-vampire after his mother (Sanaa Lathan) was bitten while pregnant.  Along with his mentor Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), Blade wages a war against the Vampires who want to rip apart humanity.  The biggest threat is Deacon Frost (Stephen Dorff) who plans to unleash an ancient Vampire force known as the ‘Blood God’ and kill all of humanity.

This is a pretty bad ass movie.  The fight scenes are just glorious to watch.  I could have watched Blade rip apart 500 more vampires with his array of weapons.  He was like an R-Rated version of Link from Legend of Zelda.  The film has a great look, especially in the first scene where shit loads of blood is dropped on everybody.  The regeneration of the vampires isn’t explained too well.  How come some vampires come back, but others stay dead?  They didn’t really elaborate on this.  The story takes a little while to develop, but it’s solid.  The man who steals the show is Stephen Dorff playing the main villain.  He’s so sleazy and funny, but also has some great dialogue and monologues.  He’s a truly compelling force in this movie.  There’s a moment where he gets upset with a fellow vampire and pulls his signature teeth out.  Wow…and I thought losing wisdom teeth was an ordeal.  I can’t decide if I liked Wesley Snipes’ performance.  There are moments where he really delivers in the key scenes, like in his first meeting with Dorff’s character Deacon Frost.  But then there is simple dialogue moments that are just raspy and over the top.  There are some real freaky special effects, and aside from a silly moment where skeletons fly around, they all generally work pretty well.  I really loved this film.  There’s plenty of action, but it does take the time to develop characters and draw you in emotionally.  It’s no surprise it’s written by David Goyer, the man who had a hand in penning the Nolan Batman movies.  If you like watching people get cut up with swords, then this is the movie for you.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10 (Really Great) 

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout)

Best Performance: Stephen Dorff as Deacon Frost
-As I mentioned earlier, he’s the show stealer.  He’s got so many great monologues about natural selection, eliminating the humans, general bad guy stuff.  And he’s also pretty damn funny when he needs to be, but it’s not the over the top Jim Carrey/Riddler kind of funny.

Worst Performance: Arly Jover as Mercury
-She wears this ridiculous white fur coat.  And she’s just really annoying.  I hate her obnoxious little smiles and chuckles.  She just follows Deacon around, cackling along.  

Best Line: “You’re nothing to me but another dead vampire.” –Blade to Deacon
-Yea, pretty much sums up Blade’s opinions towards vampires.  It would be funny if he said that to Edward from Twilight in some kind of crazy crossover.

Worst Line: “You just got a little too long in the tooth…what, that was funny.” –Quinn after Deacon pulls the guy’s teeth
-The line was bad enough, but the fact he has to try and convince people it was funny is just pathetic.  Quinn is sometimes a funny character, but mostly annoying.

Best Fight:
-A tough decision here, but I’m going to go with the final fight between Blade and the possessed Deacon.  There’s also a cool one with Quinn as a subway train storms by, but this one brings more of an emotional impact.  The beginning is awesome.  The swords go back and forth, clanging into each other like rapid fire.  And you can see the sparks go off as they connect.  There’s also a fricking awesome moment when Blade slices him in half, and a long stream of blood pulls his upper torso back to his body and reconnects it.  Whoa…the fighters in Mortal Kombat can’t even do that.

WTF Moment:
-Deacon has rubber ducks floating around his apartment.  WTF?

Best Scene:
-It’s the introduction of Blade.  He just goes fucking crazy.  He rips this vampire dance club to shreds.  And you got to love the boomerang!

Worst Scene:
-There’s this stupid character called Pearl who is just a lame Jabba the Hutt rip-off they call ‘the record keeper.’  His voice is annoying.  And he farts…come on, this movie’s better than that.  This isn’t Spawn.

Funniest Moment:
-“And here we are…one big fucking happy family.”  Dorff really hits this delivery home.  It’s really funny, and just imagining his crazy vampire family as ‘one big fucking happy family’ is hysterical in itself.

Bad Ass Moment:
-Blade finally has to succumb and suck human blood to get his strength back.  He runs back into the ‘Blood God’ shrine and just jumps right down in the middle of it.  He lifts his head up as his eyes are burning red.  You know he’s about to unleash a shit storm.  And the icing on the cake is when the bumbling Quinn runs at him, Blade takes him out in two seconds, as his shades fly into the air and takes them back.  Awesome.


One comment

  1. Pingback: Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: THE FINAL RANKINGS « The Green Light

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