Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #53

Elektra (2005)

Plot: Elektra (Jennifer Garner), now a cold highly paid assassin, is hired to take out a father (Goran Visnjic) and his teenage daughter (Kirsten Prout).  When Elektra grows affection for the family, she protects them from a mysterious organization known as ‘the Hand’ who wants them dead.

This should just be called ‘Going through the Motions: The Movie.’  There’s nothing terrible about it, but it’s just one big cliché, cookie cutter, and predictable slumber party.  And it’s so damn lazy.  They introduce these supernatural elements with no explanation whatsoever.  We got people turning into green smoke, Sonya Blade kisses of death, and all sorts of lame crap throughout the film.  They just happen.  Oh, there’s this group called ‘the Hand,’ and they are mysterious and powerful.  I guess we’re just supposed to buy it.  Come on…really?  It’s just a poorly told story with no thought whatsoever.  Calling it formulaic is being kind.  The pattern is pretty simple.  Hide. Run.  Hide.  Run.  Hide.  Run.  Let’s not forget the run of the mill fortune cookie advice, although at least it’s Terence Stamp reading the dialogue.  Jennifer Garner is trying her best, and the relationship with her and the daughter Abby is at least genuine and fleshed out.  Elektra doesn’t make me angry, but it’s pretty forgettable.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (Barely Passable Entertainment)

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: Jennifer Garner as Elektra
-Garner gives it her all, even if she does look intense and pissed off a lot.  I guess she does a good job doing it.

Worst Performance: Goran Visnjic as Mark Miller
-He’s Abby’s dad and is completely useless.  He just stands around observing every situation.  What a complete waste of time.

Best Line: “In some parts of the world, they just cut your hands off.” –Elektra to Abby after trying to steal from Elektra
-Now that’s an interesting thing to say to a thirteen year old girl.

Worst Line: “Wow…” –Abbey after Elektra tells her there’s a technique for bringing people back from the dead
-Wow!  That’s all you have to say?  It’s bringing people back to life!  This isn’t like learning how to do yoga!  The funny thing is, the actress who plays Abby (Kirsten Prout) actually does a good job, yet she delivers this line with such a lack of energy.

Best Fight:
-The fight Elektra has with Kirigi at the end is okay, although there’s a lot of bull shit going on throughout this fight.  First of all, there’s a bunch of bed sheets flying around that play a major role during their confrontation.  And this fight is a prime example of how poorly and lazy the story is.  You barely see Kirigi in the first half, and then they try to throw in this back story with him and Elektra.  They just randomly throw in during the fight that he was the one to kill Elektra’s mom.  What a terrible and rushed plot device to make this average fight at the end a little more important. 

WTF Moment:
-I complained a little bit about the supernatural elements, but I just hate this stupid tattoo guy.  Animals come to life from his body of tattoos.  Eagles.  Snakes.  Wolves.  Whatever.  That is so ridiculous.  Give me a break.

Best Scene:
-Another dumb villain here is Typhoid who basically has the kiss of death.  Although when she kisses Elektra, at least the scene looks nice.  All these leaves turn to black and fall around here.

Worst Scene:
-Towards the end, Elektra brings Abby back to life because she learned how to do it from Terence Stamp’s character Stick.  I harped on this a little earlier, but I just hate this crap when you can randomly bring people back to life with no explanation.  It makes watching this a complete waste of time.  There are no consequences.  Stick and Elektra just turn their eyes green, and there you go.  Everything’s fine.  Come on…put a little effort into this.

Funniest Moment:
-Elektra in the bathroom neurotically organizing the items she just bought at Rite Aid.  What a lunatic.

Bad Ass Moment:
-When Elektra is in the hedge maze, she knows exactly where Typhoid is and throws her sai through the hedges, striking her dead on.  That was cool I guess.


One comment

  1. Pingback: Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: THE FINAL RANKINGS « The Green Light

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