Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: Movie #75

Hellboy: Blood and Iron (2007, animated)

Plot: When a female vampire (Kath Soucie) long believed to have been destroyed back in 1939 returns, Hellboy (Ron Perlman) and his team go to investigate a possible hiding place.  Professor Bruttenholm (John Hurt) is one of the men who encountered her back in his youth, as a series of flashbacks tells her history.

This is the second Hellboy animated movie, and it’s really frustrating.  There are a lot of great characters here, but just like with the previous entry, they are put in another uninteresting and clunky story.  I don’t care about a lame vampire who wants to stay young.  That’s the plot!  Boooooooooooooooooooring.  The paranormal unit spends the majority of the film just hanging around this old house looking for ghosts.  It’s like an unfunny Ghostbusters.  For a movie that’s less than 80 minutes, it was a chore to sit through.  Nothing happens!  The animation is also really dark.  You can barely see anything.  I guess the reverse flashbacks were kind of interesting and very Lost-ian, but they didn’t involve Hellboy, Abe, or Liz Sherman, so whatever.  And Abe barely talks!  He usually has the best lines.  What a waste.  There are a couple half-way decent sequences, like when Liz burns a pack of wolves as really good music plays in the background.  But these scenes are far and few between.  I hate to call this a bad movie because I do enjoy the characters, but they have nothing to do.  Hellboy: Blood and Iron is a complete waste of time.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10 (Bad)

Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):

Best Performance: John Hurt as Professor Bruttenholm
-The story revolves more around him, and Hurt does a good job of giving the voice pain and concern over the return of this vampire. 

Worst Performance: Grant Albrecht as Oliver Trombolt
-Trombolt is this rich ass bag who is just really annoying.  Albrecht gives him this accent that just doesn’t work.  The character squirms around, getting in every body’s way.  He’s just an unfunny nuisance.  I don’t like him.

Best Line: “Lady, I was going to cut you some slack because you’re a major mythological figure.” –Hellboy to Hecate as they fight
-Not much to choose from, but one of Hellboy’s better quips. 

Worst Line: “Blood…That’s Blood.” –Sydney Leach
-Yea, he says this after we get a close-up shot of someone bleeding.  Leach takes a two second look and then states the obvious.  No kidding its blood…unbelievable.

Best Fight:
-Hellboy has a fight with this big wolf.  There’s a lot of pounding one another going on.  And then the fight randomly goes into a room where the screen is almost all red.  This was strange, but a nice change from the really dark color.

WTF Moment:
-Hellboy has just defeated this huge monster that he puts in a coffin.  And then Hellboy opens the coffin!  The monster slivers away as a snake.  Why the hell would he open it back up!

Best Scene:
-It’s a simple one, but when Hellboy, Abe, Liz, and all the other paranormal agency members are getting debriefed on their assignment, that was the highlight of the film.  There’s a lot of good camaraderie and jokes.  They really bag the guy who hands out the assignments and basically say, ‘Yea, we’re going to do what we want.’

Worst Scene:
-When the team first arrives at the big house searching for the vampire, the screen is as dark as you could possibly get.  I couldn’t see anything!

Funniest Moment:
-There’s a moment where Hellboy is walking and his legs basically look like sticks compared to the rest of his body.  He’s wearing what appears to be ‘jorts’ as they just look ridiculous on his little legs.

Bad Ass Moment:
-When Liz is passed out, someone tries to attack her, but a fire like force field instantly surrounds her.  That’s some serious shit when the fire protects her even when she isn’t conscious.

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One comment

  1. Pingback: Superhero Movies on Steroids Series: THE FINAL RANKINGS « The Green Light

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