Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)
Plot: An ancient and powerful Prince (Luke Goss) attempts to revive a group of warriors known as ‘the Golden Army’ to wage war against humanity. Hellboy (Ron Perlman) and his gang of Paranormal Investigators is the only thing standing in Prince Nuada’s way.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army… not as good as the original. It’s just a lot sillier and goofier. They introduce these little flying blue things that are practically identical to the pesky pixies from Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. They also go to ‘Troll City,’ which is nothing but gimmicky monsters and creatures walking around serving no purpose. It kind of reminded me of the Star Wars prequels. While I felt the story in the previous film was really ‘meh,’ it’s even worse here. I wasn’t invested in this plot whatsoever. It pisses me off, because this franchise does have great characters, they just get involved with boring conflicts. And just like with the last one, the camaraderie between the main characters is the best part. I kind of wish they just made a Hellboy movie where Hellboy, Abe, and Liz Sherman are playing pool or something. They introduce Johann Krauss, who I guess is literally made out of gas. He was cool. The main villain (Prince Nuada) is kind of whiney and nasally, but has his share of bad ass moments. I like the connection between him and his sister. When you hurt one of them, it injures the other. That was an interesting concept. There’s definitely a fair amount of scenes with some real meat to them, like Hellboy’s desire to be accepted by humanity. Visually, the film looks good, especially when the Golden Army is introduced. The last act is excruciatingly slow paced, although it does pick up steam. I just wished I cared more. Good characters, solid acting, but mostly forgettable.
Rating: 6 out of 10 (‘meh’)
Category Rankings (Spoilers Throughout):
Best Performance: Selma Blair as Liz Sherman
-Her character has always been the most interesting. Blair has more command of the character than ever before, and she really carries a lot of these scenes.
Worst Performance: Montse Ribe as Young Hellboy
-It’s only one scene, but he’s horrible. It doesn’t help that he visually looks awkward and silly.
Best Line: “And if ever you were human…that time is long gone.” –Liz Sherman to Johann
-Wow…harsh thing to say to a cloud of gas.
Worst Line: “Watch it boys, she’s on fire.” –Hellboy on Liz
-I’d have to go with the last fight between Hellboy and Prince Nuada. There’s a lot of sword play, flipping around, gears turning all over the place…a solid fight.
-When the King orders his son, Prince Nuada, that the Golden Army will not be revived, the Prince takes out all the guards in a matter of seconds. Then he goes up to the King, who kind of looks at him with this goofy smile. He just sits there and lets his son kill him. Couldn’t he move out of the way or something? He knows its coming! He literally sits there frozen solid, just like ‘whatever, I guess I’m going to die.’
-I like the lighthearted moments between Hellboy and Abe as they drink and sing away their problems.
-Even though I enjoyed Hellboy and Abe’s drunken debauchery, they later go into Liz’s room, and Abe has this long speech. His voice sounded really bad when he was drunk. Not funny at all and kind of annoying. It was a different guy doing the voice, so maybe David Hyde Pierce from the original could have pulled it off better.
-Poor Abe and his little neck brace that helps him breathe is being described as a toilet seat on Jimmy Kimmel live. Here is Abe’s response: ‘It’s quite obvious it’s a breathing apparatus.’
Bad Ass Moment:
-When Johann and his gassy goodness take control of one of the Golden Army robots.