Football and Superheroes

Tonight is the best night of the year.  Why is that?  NFL KICK-OFF!  Yup, the NFL kicks off another great season, and this one feels extra special due to the fact that it almost didn’t happen. 

But with all these superhero movies I’ve been seeing and reviewing lately, I thought it would be fun to pull out a few superheroes (and villains) and predict what NFL teams they would root for.  Would Superman be a Dallas Cowboys fan?  What jersey does Batman wear when he watches NFL Sunday Ticket in the Batcave as Alfred serves him a Bud Light?  Let’s take a look:

Superman would be an Indianapolis Colts Fan:

– Superman is such a powerful human being and can literally destroy you at will.  That’s what Peyton Manning does.  Peyton can pick apart a defense like he’s not even trying, just as Superman can rip through walls and barely realize he’s doing it.  I think Superman and Peyton can identify with each other due to their similar power levels.  And they both have their own kryptonite, Peyton’s being the playoffs.

Lex Luthor would be a Dallas Cowboys Fan:

-I think this one’s pretty obvious.  Lexcorp is worth well over a billion dollars, and Luthor thinks all the ridiculous weapons and robots he builds are bettering mankind, but really everyone just sees him as trying to take over the world…Jerry Jones anyone?  It’s that reason alone why Luthor wears the Tony Romo jersey on Sundays.  If there’s anyone in superhero lore that would build the type of Stadium Jerry built, it would be Lex Luthor.

The Flash would be a Carolina Panthers Fan:

-The Flash can do one thing really well: run fast.  The Panthers can do one thing really well: run fast.  With two dynamic running backs in their back field (DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart), I think Flash would totally identify with this team’s philosophy.

Doomsday would be a San Diego Chargers Fan:

-The Chargers are an insanely talented and frightening team, but ultimately, their season is short lived.  Much like Doomsday, the Chargers don’t come in with any real plan and just try to bash their opponents apart with offense.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  Doomsday can relate.

Wolverine would be a Baltimore Ravens Fan:

-The Ravens consistently have one of the best defenses in the NFL.  They play ferocious and angry.  This is Wolverine in a nutshell.  It’s not always a pretty win, but the Ravens are usually left standing with a victory because nobody can score against them.  Wolverine can just keep healing…you’ll never injure him.  There’s no doubt in my mind that Wolverine has a Ray Lewis jersey hanging in his closet.

Magneto would be a Pittsburgh Steelers Fan:

-Magneto feels the mutant race doesn’t get enough respect.  The Steelers are always there in the end, but they are never picked to win the Super Bowl.  And when you disrespect the Steelers, they make you pay dearly.  They are a smart, cold, and calculating team, much like the leader for the Brotherhood of Mutants.  Plus, their team name is the Steelers…Steel-ers.  Magneto can bend metal…come on!

Captain America would be a New England Patriots Fan:

-I think this one speaks for itself.  Patriots.  Captain America.  Yea, that sounds right.  But I also think Tom Brady and Captain America are cut from the same cloth.  When we look at Tom Brady, we see a guy who worked his ass off his whole life, but never got any football respect.  He was taken in the sixth round, nothing but an afterthought.  Steve Rogers was the same way: just a scrawny skinny guy who no one thought much of.  But much like the Patriots took a chance on Brady, the Army did with Rogers as well, giving him the super serum.  When both men got the opportunity, they led their teams gloriously and selflessly to victory.  Besides, Captain America is also a brilliant tactician, much like Brady and Bill Belichick.

 Two-Face would be a Houston Texans Fan:

-Aside from the fact that they always seem to go 8-8 (which Two-Face would absolutely love), the Texans really are a Two-Faced team.  Sometimes they are fantastic, but other times they play like one of the worst teams in the League.  Much like how Two-Face flips his coin to make a decision, I feel like the Texans do as well, and decide whether they are going to be the good Texans…or the bad Texans.

Batman would be a Green Bay Packers Fan:

-This one was hard, but in the end, why would Batman not be a fan of the reigning Super Bowl Champs?  Batman trained for years to become the perfect weapon.  It seems like Aaron Rodgers waited for years to finally get the starting job from the villainous Brett Favre, who I guess we can compare to Ra’s Al Ghul if we’re using the Christopher Nolan continuity.  But other than that, the Packers have a complete team on both sides of the ball, just like Batman is a complete fighter.  The Packers may not be the best at any of their positions, but they are solid all around, just like Batman.

The Joker would be a Philadelphia Eagles Fan:

-Madness.  Chaos.  Unpredictable.  These are all words you can use to describe the Joker…and the Philadelphia Eagles.  Michael Vick is the most unconventional QB in the League, but he’s also ridiculously successful.  When you look at the Eagles offense, it’s just crazy.  You have no idea what’s going to happen.  Will Vick throw deep to DeSean Jackson?  Will he hand it off to the dynamic LeSean McCoy?  Will Vick himself run 10 yards?  The way Vick plays is totally insane.  He leaves himself open to injury on every play, like he doesn’t even care.  That’s the Joker!  He’ll do whatever it takes to drive his opposition mad, even if it means taking a massive beating. 

Well there you have it.  Now when you watch football on Sundays, you can imagine the Joker wearing an Eagles hat, or Luthor sitting in his office with a Dallas Cowboys jersey.

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