Category: Rants

Bad Microwave Popcorn Directions

Microwave popcorn…it’s a great invention.  Even if you don’t know how to boil water on an oven or are confused about how long to microwave leftover Chinese food, microwave popcorn is always there for you.  Anybody can do it.  You read the back, it tells you the time to put it in for, and that’s it.  Sometimes microwaves even have a button called “popcorn” that takes care of it for you.  Now listen; we can’t pop a perfect bag.  Sometimes a few pieces get overcooked and you get that purple/blackish look that’s just devastating.  I know a lot of us out there strive for perfection and try to put it in for the perfect time and pop every piece, but it just doesn’t happen.  There are too many damn factors and variables.  But there is no excuse for when you are given piss poor popping directions.  That’s what happened to me yesterday.

Now microwave popcorn comes in different sized bags all the time, but what’s great about it is that they always give you an appropriate time variable, like pop between 2:20 and 3:00.  The same thing happened here.  Keep in mind this was a pretty small bag.  Look, I normally go for bigger ones, but it was just for me and I wanted a light snack, so get off my back!  Anyways, the time it told me was between 1 and 3 minutes.  This is a large time variable so I was a little concerned.  I decided to go conservative at 2:05.  I left 55 seconds off and the bag came up completely burnt!  WTF!!  And usually when you burn the popcorn a little, most of the bag is still edible, but the entire bag here became one giant black hole!  It had to be completely thrown away.  Totally uneatable!

I’m just so upset about this, I can barely stand it.  How can the directions be so far off?!  I went conservative at 2:05!  This is absolutely unacceptable!  Now it’s fair to note that the bag says “depending on the wattage of the microwave.”  Okay, I know a lot of you are saying, “Yeah, it’s your fault.  You need to pay attention to the power level on the microwave and you would have known how long to put it in for.”  BULL.

First of all, who the hell pays attention to the wattage level of the microwave?  And secondly, the whole point of microwave popcorn is so cooking morons such as me have a ridiculously easy quick snack to eat.  If you are the type of person who cooks microwave popcorn, you don’t pay attention to microwave wattage levels!  But most importantly, even if I did know the wattage level, I still went a low time amount within their range (2:05).  The fact of the matter is the directions to pop between 1 and 3 minutes is so unbelievably off, no matter what type of microwave you have.

So after I angrily threw the bag away, I put in another bag and went super conservative at 1:20.  For the most part, this was fine.  There were a decent amount of kernels that weren’t popped, but nothing too serious.  The point I’m trying to make is that this bag should have been between 1 and 2 minutes, not 2 and 3.  In fact, the bag says “For best popping results, set time for 3 minutes.”  If I set that bag for 3 minutes, my house would have blown up.  Unbelievable.

This topic gave me 8 ‘Oy veys’ of annoyance out of 10

Mac Fanboys

I need to touch on an incident I had at the Mac Store recently.  Now let me preface my post with this: I think Mac is a great product.  I can’t live without my I-Pod.  They are clearly superior to the PC world right now, and I give them all the credit in the world.  But what really gets to me sometimes is the arrogance of the Mac Fanboys.  What am I talking about?  Well, here it goes.

So I’m in New York with my friend who decides it’s time to buy a Mac Computer.  Fair enough.  We go to the Mac store, and there are people dressed in blue Mac Shirts everywhere.  They also have a Mac greeter waiting to take us into the exciting world of Mac.  Well, I was kind of bored, and thought it would be amusing to throw in a lame joke to the greeter to help lighten the day.  Now before I tell you what the joke is, let me be clear in that I completely acknowledge that this is a terrible  joke, but here it is:

I asked the Mac guy: “Excuse me, sir, do you sell any Dells?”

I figured he would just do the customary half smile, “very funny sir” reaction, and then we could all move on.  But the reaction I got instead really set me off.  First, his eyes bulged out of his head like he was about to explode.  The guy looked so irritated and offended, you would think someone just fired him.  There was no positive emotion at all.  Now before I tell you why this reaction irritated me for the rest of the day, keep in mind this is all speculation and opinion, but I feel pretty strongly about it.

I believe this jackass loves his Mac products so much, that even though I was clearly joking, he got offended.  As if to say, “How dare you mention another company except for Mac in this store.”  Oh, give me a break.  I didn’t mean to insult the preious Apple.  I was making a little joke, completely harmless.  But this is how a lot of die hard Mac Fanboys perceive the world.  They think the entire world revolves around this one company.  Look, Mac makes a lot of great things, but they dont run the damn world.  They aren’t the NFL.

It’s just sickening that these Mac jerk bags can’t even take a joke.  Look, I know my joke wasn’t funny.  But for him to get offended really upset me.  And I wasn’t trying to be a jackass.  I was clearly just making a friendly joke.  There was nothing to get offended about.  I may never buy a Mac product again because of this one guy.

So that’s my Mac store story.  What’s the lesson here?  Learn how to take a  joke!  Also, when my friend checked out his computer, the cashier rang it up on an I-Phone.

Typical Mac.  Obnoxious.

“This topic gave me 7.5 ‘Oy Veys’ of annoyance out of 10.”