Bad Microwave Popcorn Directions

Microwave popcorn…it’s a great invention.  Even if you don’t know how to boil water on an oven or are confused about how long to microwave leftover Chinese food, microwave popcorn is always there for you.  Anybody can do it.  You read the back, it tells you the time to put it in for, and that’s it.  Sometimes microwaves even have a button called “popcorn” that takes care of it for you.  Now listen; we can’t pop a perfect bag.  Sometimes a few pieces get overcooked and you get that purple/blackish look that’s just devastating.  I know a lot of us out there strive for perfection and try to put it in for the perfect time and pop every piece, but it just doesn’t happen.  There are too many damn factors and variables.  But there is no excuse for when you are given piss poor popping directions.  That’s what happened to me yesterday.

Now microwave popcorn comes in different sized bags all the time, but what’s great about it is that they always give you an appropriate time variable, like pop between 2:20 and 3:00.  The same thing happened here.  Keep in mind this was a pretty small bag.  Look, I normally go for bigger ones, but it was just for me and I wanted a light snack, so get off my back!  Anyways, the time it told me was between 1 and 3 minutes.  This is a large time variable so I was a little concerned.  I decided to go conservative at 2:05.  I left 55 seconds off and the bag came up completely burnt!  WTF!!  And usually when you burn the popcorn a little, most of the bag is still edible, but the entire bag here became one giant black hole!  It had to be completely thrown away.  Totally uneatable!

I’m just so upset about this, I can barely stand it.  How can the directions be so far off?!  I went conservative at 2:05!  This is absolutely unacceptable!  Now it’s fair to note that the bag says “depending on the wattage of the microwave.”  Okay, I know a lot of you are saying, “Yeah, it’s your fault.  You need to pay attention to the power level on the microwave and you would have known how long to put it in for.”  BULL.

First of all, who the hell pays attention to the wattage level of the microwave?  And secondly, the whole point of microwave popcorn is so cooking morons such as me have a ridiculously easy quick snack to eat.  If you are the type of person who cooks microwave popcorn, you don’t pay attention to microwave wattage levels!  But most importantly, even if I did know the wattage level, I still went a low time amount within their range (2:05).  The fact of the matter is the directions to pop between 1 and 3 minutes is so unbelievably off, no matter what type of microwave you have.

So after I angrily threw the bag away, I put in another bag and went super conservative at 1:20.  For the most part, this was fine.  There were a decent amount of kernels that weren’t popped, but nothing too serious.  The point I’m trying to make is that this bag should have been between 1 and 2 minutes, not 2 and 3.  In fact, the bag says “For best popping results, set time for 3 minutes.”  If I set that bag for 3 minutes, my house would have blown up.  Unbelievable.

This topic gave me 8 ‘Oy veys’ of annoyance out of 10

Top 10 Movies of 2010

This was a damn good year for movies.  There weren’t a lot of good movies, but there were a handful of great ones.  It was truly a quality not quantity year.  Especially my top six, which are all fantastic and films I will continue to watch over and over again.  But let’s cut the crap and get into it…My Top 10 Movies of 2010.

10) The Kids Are All Right

-Great acting all around here, but most notably Annette Bening and Mark Ruffalo.  Dramedies are hard to do, but this blends the two elements perfectly.  What I really love about this movie is the ending.  The very last scene really hits hard.  You get some intense shouting matches, and the tension between Bening and Ruffalo is truly the meat of the film.

9) I Love You Phillip Morris

-What’s amazing is this is based on a true story.  Jim Carrey is such a damn good actor, and I hope someday he gets an Oscar. The movie starts out a little slow, but gets progressively better as Carrey plays Steven Russell, a gay con-man who is just nuts.  His schemes get crazier and crazier, but they also get funnier and funnier.  But at the heart of this insane character there is a lot of drama playing out.  Ewan McGregor as Phillip Morris is also up to par with Carrey’s acting.

8 – The Fighter

-The only reason this movie is on the list is because of Christian Bale who gives the best performance of the year as a drug addicted former boxer, Dickie Eklund.  Bale is so good in this movie.  He’s so good, poor Mark Wahlberg melts away when they’re on screen together.  The scene towards the end where Dickie has to give Mickey Ward a pump up speech is delivered so well, I was shaking in the theater.  Also, Melissa Leo and Amy Adams are great too, but this is all about Bale, Bale, Bale.

7) Kick-Ass

-If you had to describe Kick-Ass in one word it would be “fun.”  Everyone talks about Chloe Grace Moretz as Hit-Girl, who is spectacular, but Nicolas Cage’s one scene where he gets to fight as his alter ego, “Big Daddy,” was so bad ass, I can’t even put it into words.  The movie goes on a little long and gets a too crazy at the end, but the best part about Kick-Ass is that it’s about five genres of film happening at once and they all work seamlessly.

6) Hot Tub Time Machine

-Let me tell you something; I haven’t laughed this hard at a movie in years.  I’m a negative nelly when it comes to comedies today.  I’m not a Steve Carell fan.  I don’t like the Judd Apatow gang.  Comedies to me are no where near where they were in the 80’s and 90’s.  But for one glorious day, Hot Tub Time Machine really did take me back in time to the good ole days.  It’s just a bunch of regular guys with hysterical dialogue.  It didn’t need a Will Ferrell or Zach Galifianakis gimmick.  The foursome of John Cusack, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke and especially Rob Corddry just trusted the script and delivered with great comic timing.  I’m saddened no one cared or saw this movie.  The Hangover may be a better constructed story, but most of its jokes relied on shock value.  Hot Tub Time Machine consistently made me laugh for ninety minutes.

5) Black Swan

-For years I didn’t know if Natalie Portman was a good actress.  She’s terrible in the Star Wars Prequels and even in V for Vendetta, I felt she was the weak link.  But now I know…OMFG.  Her acting at the end of this movie was frightening.  Darren Aronofsky is one of the best directors in Hollywood today.  He just unloads the most maddening and depressing images like they’re on sale at Wal-Mart.  Mila Kunis is great also, but it’s Aronofsky and Portman who will have you reflecting on this one for days.

4) Toy Story 3

-This is Pixar’s best movie by far.  I’ve never cried over a movie, but this toy opus really tested my resolve.  It’s clever, funny and bitter sweet at the end.  The other two Toy Story movies look like Caddyshack 2 by comparison.  (Spoilers Next) The scene where the toys go through the garbage furnace was some of the most intense suspense I’ve ever experienced in a theater.

3) The Social Network

-I get so turned off by Aaron Sorkin’s pretentious and fast talking dialogue, but now I’m his biggest fan after the Social Network.  There are about 95 unbelievable speeches and monologues in this movie.  And I’ve never been a big David Fincher fan either, but now I can’t wait to see what he does next.  What’s so fascinating about his direction is that he had me siding with the biggest jackass of all time.  But Jesse Eisenberg is so funny and direct when playing Mark Zuckerberg that I just had to root for him.  But the man who steals the show is Justin Timberlake.  Forget your music career Justin, go act more.  He should be nominated for an Oscar, but he won’t.  Bottom-line: this movie kicks ass and has great replay value.

2) Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

-Don’t be fooled by its elaborate special effects and big budget…this is a character driven piece, and it’s a damn good one.  Much like 2009’s Star Trek, there is so much flashiness surrounding everything, but you still care more about the characters rather than what’s around them.  This is high on my list because there are so many great scenes that I can’t even decipher which ones are my favorites.  I could go with Ron opening the horcrux, or maybe the terrifying Voldemort scene at Malfoy Manner where he basically makes twenty Dark Wizards crap their pants.  Or how about the opening montage where Hermione erases her parents memories to protect them.  That’s some serious stuff.  And the three main actors just aren’t getting enough credit.  They are spectacular.  This movie is well over 2 hours long, but it flies by for me.  I love this film.

1) Inception

-When I read that there was a sci-fi movie in the works directed by Christopher Nolan and starring Leonardo DiCaprio, it was destined to be number one on my list.  How much fun is it to talk about this movie?  I could talk about it for days.  This film is flawless.  It’s original, it’s got great characters, the story is off the charts, and not to mention it may have the greatest fight in the history of cinema.  It will be a crime if Hans Zimmer’s score doesn’t win an Oscar for Best Score.  I really have nothing else to say about Inception that hasn’t already been said…it truly is the king of 2010 movies.

Movie Review – Black Swan

Plot: The story of a ballet troupe preparing to put on a production of Swan Lake with the same dancer playing both the white and black swan.  Once Nina (Natalie Portman) gets the role as Swan Queen, the pressure of playing both roles begins to consume her as she is also threatened by another dancer (Mila Kunis) taking her place.

Hey, it’s time for another Darren Aronofsky (the Wrestler, Requiem for a Dream) movie.  What does that mean?  Well, we are going to see people go crazy, uncomfortable mutilation to the body, depressing storylines, and above all else, a great movie.  Aronofsky is one of my favorite directors out there right now, and Black Swan is another reason why.  The man takes you through an experience.  Within the first five minutes, you are already cringing and can feel what type of film you are going to see.  But Black Swan wouldn’t work if you didn’t have the right actress to carry it on its shoulders and Natalie Portman is that actress.

Portman plays Nina, a very driven dancer but a real sweet heart.  Her dancing is perfect and so refined that it actually pisses off her instructor, Thomas Leroy (Vincent Cassel), as he asks her to make the transformation to the more free and seductive Black Swan.  Nina shows very subtle signs of a fiery character which is why she is given the role.  The real crux of the movie is Leroy trying to unlock her dark side and destroy the sweet Nina.  Watching Portman battle with both personalities is pretty intense as the sweet Nina is slowly broken down and driven crazy trying to play the Black Swan.  Her performance is stunning; there is nothing else to say.  It’s also interesting to watch from Nina’s mother’s (Barbara Hershey) point of view as she was once a dancer herself, so she recognizes all the crap Nina is going through and almost knows what’s going to happen before it does.

The movie really gets interesting though when Lily (Mila Kunis) comes into the picture.  She is Nina’s exact opposite, the Black Swan to her white.  In the second half, it really becomes her who’s trying to corrupt Nina.  Lily is a great character because she symbolizes the intense and crazy competition that is professional ballet with manipulative subtly.  Kunis is fantastic and keeps up with Portman’s acting every step of the way.

One thing that annoyed me a lot in Black Swan were these very explicit hallucinations and visions that showcase Nina’s madness.  Now sometimes they were okay and very gorgeous to look at, but a lot of the times they are too jumbled and go on for too long.  I also hate when there’s a very long scene and five minutes later we have to question whether or not it was real.  Kind of seems like a waste of time.  I always prefer more subtly when showing a character descending into madness, although the images did fit well with the really intense score.

This is really a great film with superb acting all around.  The ending is also perfect.  It’s a great transition into the credits.   I don’t like this effort as much as I did Aronofsky’s last film (The Wrestler), but there’s no question this is another fine addition to his already great resume.

Rating: 8 out of 10 (Great)

Movie Review – The Fighter

Plot: Based on the true story of boxer Mickey Ward (Mark Wahlberg) and his rise through the Welter Weight boxing division.  Set in Lowell, Massachusetts, Mickey deals with his overbearing family and drug addict brother, Dicky Eklund (Christian Bale), who tries to manage Mickey’s career but becomes a liability due to his disastrous behavior.

The title of the film, the Fighter, relates to Mickey Ward only in name.  This is Christian Bale’s movie as he plays Dicky Eklund, a once famous boxer whose claim to fame was knocking down Sugar Ray Leonard.  He’s now broken down, addicted to crack and played with perfection by Bale whose Oscar seems inevitable.  Everything about The Fighter is decent, including David O. Russell’s direction and the script, but its Bale’s performance that elevates it from an okay movie to a very good movie.

Playing Dicky Eklund required both intensity and vulnerability.  There are scenes in which Eklund is watching an HBO documentary on crack addiction in which he features a prominent role.  As he watches from prison, he takes it with a grain of salt, but when they show his kid in the film, he breaks down.  The transformation of emotion Bale conveys is damn impressive to watch.  There are also moments when he’s jumping out of crack houses into the garbage to avoid his mother, which are both funny and sad at the same time.

Speaking of the mother, Melissa Leo plays Alice Ward, mother to both the main characters.  Her best scenes come when she is on the phone with Dicky in prison as she watches Mickey fight on TV and Alice breaks down what’s happening in the fight.  Her range of expressions is perfect, just as if you were watching a fight.  Her character is interesting because she comes off as detestable at times.  Mickey has a chance to reach new heights with his career, but Alice can’t stop mentioning how Dicky fought Sugar Ray that one time, which was many years ago.  Her performance is still that of a nurturing mother, so it’s hard to completely dislike her.  Leo plays the two personalities very well.

Amy Adams is also great as Charlene, Mickey’s girlfriend.  She’s very fiery as her motivation is completely driven by breaking Mickey away from his crazy family, believing this will give him more focus and success as a fighter.  You generally side with Charlene, but the film does a good job of pulling you back and forth between Charlene and Dicky/Alice as which side is right for Mickey.

And that leaves us with Wahlberg’s performance as Mickey Ward.  It’s not that Wahlberg is bad, but he completely melts away compared to everyone else on screen.  He especially cannot keep up with Bale.  This hurt the movie significantly as a stronger force was needed for the main character.  Although Mickey’s character in itself is not a strong individual as he’s constantly being told what to do, but I’m always thinking about the other characters when he’s on screen.  It slows down a lot when he’s not with Bale, Adams, or Leo.

Aside from a few good performances, the film is okay.  The fighting sequences are forgettable, but not terrible.  If you’re looking for a film strictly about boxing, this may not be for you.  Bale elevates the movie to the point where you should definitely see it.  Especially towards the end where he gives a speech to Mickey that is just riveting.  All of the true emotional moments involve Bale’s character.  Whenever the story focuses on Mickey Ward, it’s just not that interesting.  And that is the movie’s true downfall and what keeps it from being great.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10 (Very Good)

Movie Review – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Plot: As the Wizarding World is entrenched in war, Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) is left with the secret task of destroying Voldemort’s (Ralph Fiennes) Horcruxes, pieces of his fragmented soul.  Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) join Harry as they seek out these powerful and dark objects as they are the key for destroying Voldemort himself.

Warner Brothers is one movie (or half movie) away from completing a legendary saga.  This part I of the final book adaptation is the best one by far.  It’s not often you see a big budget Hollywood franchise done with so much care and thought.  This is a Harry Potter movie unlike any other as it’s set away from the innocent school of Hogwarts and into our own world as the tagline suggests.  The days of happy little magical portraits floating around are long behind us.  And it doesn’t even have the lighthearted moments from Half-Blood Prince, the previous entry.  Director David Yates could not have set a better tone in the first montage.  You know right away we aren’t messing around.

What I always loved about Yates’ contribution to the Potter series is his subtle touch on the emotional moments.  And the opening montage in which Hermione is erasing her parents’ memories and Harry watches as the Dursleys leave for protection catapults you right into the current state of the Wizarding World.  Things pretty much suck for Harry right now.  Voldemort almost has complete control of the Wizarding Government and Harry is left with the task of destroying fragments of his soul, a vague mission that Dumbledore had about two seconds to explain to Harry in the last film.  There is so much uncertainly and unease, and it all falls on poor Harry’s shoulders.

And just as the first montage with our three heroes sets up their story, the next scene with Voldemort and his minions show us their rise to power.  And props to Ralph Fiennes and Jason Isaacs as their acting is through the roof in this scene.  Ralph Fiennes just makes you feel uncomfortable and uneasy as Isaacs’ trembling voice and tattered nature as Voldemort asks for his wand for a special favor had me terrified for him.

Now a lot of the criticism you will hear for this movie is that the pace is too slow, which it is. Now this would be a problem if the acting of the three main stars wasn’t so phenomenal.  They have to carry the entire middle of this two and a half hour film, and they do so with flying colors.  I’ve always liked Daniel Radcliffe, and he stepped up his game once again.  But the one who stole the show was surprisingly Emma Watson.  I’ve always thought she was a mixed bag in these movies as she’s constantly over acting.  Now I’m not going to say this was an Oscar worthy performance, but she’s in the ball park.

I’m also not going to forget about Rupert Grint, who’s been kind of forgotten in these films, especially the fifth.  But in Deathly Hallows, Grint has some pretty dark and serious moments.  I would love to see this guy grow up and get some big roles.  He’s got the chops.  There is one scene in particular involving him and one of Voldemort’s Horcruxes that just floors you.

And another note on the slow pace is that it actually works for the film.  The middle part is just the three characters wandering around aimlessly and frustrated.  The audience is too, but I think that’s what the director intended.  You can really see it in Grint’s performance.  Ron is frustrated with Harry’s lack of leadership and knowledge of the situation.  Ron is representing what the audience feels.  I guess this means that if Ron were watching Deathly Hallows Part I, he’d get upset at the film’s slow pace as well.

One criticism I do have is that if you’re just an average moviegoer that has read none of the books, this will be very confusing and difficult to follow.  It’s hard for me to write from this perspective because I’ve read the books and know all the little details that come across as convoluted to others.  I will say this though – Yes, it’s hard to follow at times, but you know what, this is the sixth sequel.  It’s part of a continuing series.  If you’re an average moviegoer, make sure you remember or review what happened before and deal with it.  The only thing that they really explained terribly was a broken mirror that pops up from time to time.  Everything else you can piece together from just watching the past movies.

What I really admire about Deathly Hallows is that it’s about the characters.  Yes, there are battles and big complex special effect sequences, but they are background material.  We care about Harry, Ron and Hermione.

The last scene of this film gives you that OMFG moment, leaving you salivating for next summer’s finale.  Although the ending doesn’t wrap anything up, we have to remember this is part I and not a complete film.  This is all set up for what is sure to be a masterful ending.  I’m terrified for the producers of this franchise.  They have made seven great movies, some better than others.  But if this last one doesn’t live up to the hype, many will see it as a giant failure.  I pray the finale can deliver, but I have no reason to believe it won’t.

Rating: 9 out of 10 (OMG)   

Movie Review – The Social Network

Plot: The Social Network is based on the true story of how Facebook got started and the controversy surrounding Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook and the youngest billionaire.  As Facebook rapidly grows in popularity, Zuckerberg (Jesse Eisenberg) faces two law suits, one of which he is accused of stealing the idea, and the other a personal conflict with his best friend and business partner, Eduardo (Andrew Garfield).

I was a little worried in the first five minutes of The Social Network.  The movie begins with the main character, Mark Zuckerberg, and his date, Erica (Rooney Mara).  They were talking so damn fast to the point where it was distracting and I couldn’t even keep up with what they were talking about.  This movie was written by Aaron Sorkin of West Wing fame, and one of the reasons why I was turned off by that show and some of his writing in general is because of the overly clever fast talking bull crap.  But after the initial scene, The Social Network turned out to be a pretty damn good movie, and a fantastic script from Sorkin.

And as far as the director David Fincher goes, I absolutely hated his last effort, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but in The Social Network, it’s a job well done.  Facebook and social networking changed our culture, and I usually don’t like to watch movies where they touch on a cultural changing topic that just happened, like in the case of Facebook.  I think these things should sink in for years and then we can get a movie about them.  It makes sense for the film to exist now, as Facebook is something that is constantly changing everyday.

The single best part about this movie is that Zuckerberg is a complete jackass, but I found myself siding with him even though he pulls some jerk moves.  Eisenberg really plays this role perfectly.  He’s just the right amount of a-hole that you don’t hate him.  He’s just so damn smart in how he handles everything that even though everyone around him is getting screwed over, they seem like morons by comparison, and I just can’t side with the morons.

Zuckerberg faces two law suits.  One is with the Winklevoss twins (Armie Hammer) who are huge rowing stars at Harvard.  Although they have a legit claim that Zuckerberg stole their idea, the film makes it very clear Zuckerberg took their lame little idea and made it into something bad ass.  The way Zuckerberg handles all this is both smarmy and hilarious that I couldn’t help but feel the Winklevoss twins were just pathetic.  I felt bad for them the way I feel bad for the Buffalo Bills, but I don’t actually care about them.

The other law suit the film explores is between Zuckerberg and his best friend/business partner, Eduardo.  This relationship is more sympathetic towards Eduardo.  Eduardo is Zuckerberg’s only true friend, but who still gets screwed over.  You side with Eduardo.  He’s a good guy just trying to help his friend.  Eduardo is smart, but he makes decisions that aren’t in the best interest of the Facebook.  It’s because of this that I side once again with Zuckerberg who always seems to be in control and a step above everyone else.  The crux of the film is watching Zuckerberg build his empire in the jerkiest way possible, but also the smartest.

What else do I love in this movie?  Justin Timberlake.  This guy has been trying to break into the acting scene for a while, and he finally discovered his break-out performance as Sean Parker, the angsty inventor of Napster.  I love his performance and role in the film.  He doesn’t want to see Zuckerberg’s website turn into a disaster like his, and he almost lives vicariously through him.  Even though his brilliance is equal to Zuckerberg’s, the feeling of an implosion looms over this character the entire movie.  The conflict between him and Eduardo is also intense throughout.  Eduardo is a traditionalist who wants to treat Facebook like any other business, whereas Parker is the scary new unorthodox opposition.  Much like Zuckerberg always gets the best of people, every tiff between Parker and Eduardo, its Parker who seems to get the edge with some great dialogue.

This leads into one of the small complaints I have.  The conflicts between the secondary characters overshadow Zuckerberg’s character in the second half.  In fact, Zuckerberg kind of fades into the background and is almost along for the ride as Garfield and Timberlake take over the story.

The movie also ends abruptly.  Although there is a satisfying conclusion to the Eduardo/Zuckerberg situation, the one with the Winklevoss twins is forgotten about later in the film.  This was frustrating because I was really into this story.  The Winklevoss twins really try not to be your typical elitist jerks, but they have a business partner named Divya, played brilliantly by Max Minghella, who is just salivating at screwing over Zuckerberg.  He’s hysterical and has one of the best lines in the film that I dare not spoil.  It sucked that he didn’t get a satisfying conclusion other than a little blurb at the end.

All in all though, a pretty fascinating story about a subject matter everyone seems to be obsessed with: Facebook.  This is a great script, with great performances, and great directing for an overall great movie.

Rating: 8 out of 10 (Great)

Mac Fanboys

I need to touch on an incident I had at the Mac Store recently.  Now let me preface my post with this: I think Mac is a great product.  I can’t live without my I-Pod.  They are clearly superior to the PC world right now, and I give them all the credit in the world.  But what really gets to me sometimes is the arrogance of the Mac Fanboys.  What am I talking about?  Well, here it goes.

So I’m in New York with my friend who decides it’s time to buy a Mac Computer.  Fair enough.  We go to the Mac store, and there are people dressed in blue Mac Shirts everywhere.  They also have a Mac greeter waiting to take us into the exciting world of Mac.  Well, I was kind of bored, and thought it would be amusing to throw in a lame joke to the greeter to help lighten the day.  Now before I tell you what the joke is, let me be clear in that I completely acknowledge that this is a terrible  joke, but here it is:

I asked the Mac guy: “Excuse me, sir, do you sell any Dells?”

I figured he would just do the customary half smile, “very funny sir” reaction, and then we could all move on.  But the reaction I got instead really set me off.  First, his eyes bulged out of his head like he was about to explode.  The guy looked so irritated and offended, you would think someone just fired him.  There was no positive emotion at all.  Now before I tell you why this reaction irritated me for the rest of the day, keep in mind this is all speculation and opinion, but I feel pretty strongly about it.

I believe this jackass loves his Mac products so much, that even though I was clearly joking, he got offended.  As if to say, “How dare you mention another company except for Mac in this store.”  Oh, give me a break.  I didn’t mean to insult the preious Apple.  I was making a little joke, completely harmless.  But this is how a lot of die hard Mac Fanboys perceive the world.  They think the entire world revolves around this one company.  Look, Mac makes a lot of great things, but they dont run the damn world.  They aren’t the NFL.

It’s just sickening that these Mac jerk bags can’t even take a joke.  Look, I know my joke wasn’t funny.  But for him to get offended really upset me.  And I wasn’t trying to be a jackass.  I was clearly just making a friendly joke.  There was nothing to get offended about.  I may never buy a Mac product again because of this one guy.

So that’s my Mac store story.  What’s the lesson here?  Learn how to take a  joke!  Also, when my friend checked out his computer, the cashier rang it up on an I-Phone.

Typical Mac.  Obnoxious.

“This topic gave me 7.5 ‘Oy Veys’ of annoyance out of 10.”

 

Movie Review – Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

Plot: The sequel to the 1987 film Wall Street.  Money Never Sleeps takes place in 2008, as the country faces economic turmoil.  The film follows Jake Moore (Shia LaBeouf), a brilliant young trader on Wall Street whose investment firm tanks, leading the founder and Moore’s mentor (Frank Langella) to commit suicide.  Jake allies himself with Gordon Gekko (recently released from prison and Jake’s future father in law) to try and take down powerful billionaire trader Bretton James (Josh Brolin), who they suspect is not only responsible for Jake’s firm going bankrupt, but was also the man who sent Gordon to prison years ago.  

Although the original Wall Street was released twenty-three years ago, Gordon Gekko remains one of the most iconic film characters of the last thirty years.  It’s no surprise Oliver Stone would want to revisit one of his more famous creations.  What better way to reintroduce Gekko to the world than right now as our country continues to face tough economic times.  And this is why the movie works so well.  Gordon Gekko was a slime bag who constantly chanted “Greed is Good” in the original Wall Street, but like most movie villains, people loved him because he was such a bad ass.  It’s ironic because you would think we’d hate someone like Gordon, especially now in these times.  But throughout the film, Stone shows us that Gordon was nothing compared to the greed of Wall Street in 2008 with the character of Bretton James, played brilliantly by Josh Brolin, the true villain of the film.

The performances overall are the strongest part of the movie.  Jake Moore (Shia LaBeouf) is really the central character.  He looks like he’s 12, but I really bought him as a big time Wall Street player.  LaBeouf has proven he can carry a movie.  His best moment is a confrontation he has with Brolin’s character and his acting more than keeps up with all the veteran performers on the screen.  Although part of the weakness of the film is that Jake doesn’t really go through any changes, whereas the Charlie Sheen character in the original does, so the character development is a little weak.  Brolin as I mentioned before is great and rivals Gekko’s sliminess from the original.  Langella is also very memorable in the short time he’s on screen.

But of course the man who steals the show is Michael Douglas.  Gordon Gekko is a different character than he was in the original, but he’s still a bad ass in his own ripe.  Despite being broken down and his wealth no longer existent, Gekko still comes off as this all knowing financial prophet of sorts.  The real soul of the movie is that Gekko has come out of prison reformed.  He’s seen as the hero compared to the other traders on Wall Street.  He only wants to reconnect with his daughter, Winnie (Carey Mulligan).  You sympathize with him because his daughter hates him for unfair reasons.  But the real reason why this movie works is because Gekko was such a memorable jerk in the first picture, that even though he appears to be redeemed, you still get the lingering feeling he could resort back to his old ways.  And that is the greatest question of the film and it’s what kept me interested.  You really should watch the first one right before seeing this.

What’s also great other than the acting is the film has a lot of memorable individual scenes.  Much like his previous film, W, Oliver Stone certainly isn’t subtle, but that just brought the intensity level up a notch.  One of my favorite moments is when all the heads of the financial scene come together after crap has really hit the fan and stocks are tanking like crazy.  It was like the meeting of the five families in The Godfather.  Everyone is just freaking out.  The tension here was great and there are many moments like this.

The biggest weakness that almost derails the entire film is unfortunately the ending.  Oliver Stone did a fine directing job up until this point.  It was quite frustrating.  There is an obvious end point that really ties the story up nicely.  In fact, I thought it was the end so much that I started getting up to leave, but then the movie continued for another 10 to 15 minutes.  I don’t want to spoil it, but the characters ultimately end up making choices that don’t make any sense and almost contradict the point Stone was trying to make in the first place.  It’s an ending that develops poorly and comes out of no where.  There’s also a useless sub-plot involving Jake’s mom (Susan Sarandon) that serves no purpose whatsoever.

Despite the ending and one useless storyline, it’s a very good movie.  Although slow at times, and the Wall Street jargon is a little hard to understand (especially for a dumb English major such as myself), I was riveted by the characters and plot.  The beginning was a little rough because Gekko is absent for a long period of time at the start and you’re only thinking about what that bastard is up to.  But the characters grow on you, as does this film.

A worthy follow-up to the original.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10 (Very Good)

Movie Review – The Town

Plot: When growing up in Charlestown, Massachusetts, bank robbery is almost inevitable.  After his crew pulls another bank job, Doug MacRay (Ben Affleck) becomes infatuated with Claire (Rebecca Hall), one of the bank managers.  This puts Doug at odds with James (Jeremy Renner), his fiery best friend and fellow crew member.  Meanwhile, FBI Agent Adam Frawley (Jon Hamm) is determined to catch Doug and his men.

The Town is a good crime drama.  The strongest part is the directing by Ben Affleck.  He really sets up the environment and tone of this film perfectly.  The setting of Charlestown, Massachusetts, considered one of the biggest havens for bank robberies in the country, is truly the star of the film.  The place looks desolate and sad.  It’s no wonder everything here often leads to crime.

This movie showed me why Jeremy Renner is quickly becoming one of my favorite actors.  He does what he does best; plays crazy, just like in The Hurt Locker.  Every time Renner’s character is on screen, you feel like he could blow up at any moment.  He was a ticking time bomb, just fascinating to watch.  The performance also gives you empathy for him even though this guy does some bad stuff.  Jon Hamm is also stellar as the classic driven FBI agent who wants nothing more than to take down these bank robbers, but Hamm manages to keep it fresh.  There is one scene in particular where he berates Affleck’s character, which is probably my favorite scene in the movie.

One of the weaknesses for me though was Affleck’s acting.  The guy is a great director, and he gives an okay performance in this movie.  You really like and root for his character, which cannot be said of other Affleck performances.  But because he is the main character and holds so much weight in the film, I just kind of felt ‘meh’ on the acting.  He has a lot of scenes with Renner, and he just can’t keep up.  The relationship between these two characters is the heart of the movie though.  You can tell Doug really hates being this guy’s friend, but there is also tremendous loyalty between them.

This was the only relationship I really cared about though.  You don’t learn anything about the other two robbers in the crew and they have almost no distinct personality.  And even though Rebecca Hall gives a good performance as the love interest to Affleck, there was nothing special about it.  I just wasn’t emotionally invested on whether or not they would make it.  The movie tries to sell sympathy for them with depressing back stories, but they weren’t subtle and felt forced.  At times they were going through the motions.  And that’s really my issue with the film overall.  Aside from Renner’s character, I just wasn’t attached to any of these people like in other crime dramas, ala The Departed.

Although there are moments of greatness surrounding The Town, it was mired in a lot of mediocrity.  There’s a solid car chase in here, and the climax is pretty damn good, which really brought the movie up for me.  The final scene had the tension I’d been looking for throughout the movie.  This is a good film that’s strength is in the directing but not in the characters.

Rating: 7 out of 10 (Good)

Movie Review – The Expendables

Plot: A group of mercenaries led by Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) are hired to bring down a drug lord General (David Zayas) in South America.  They soon discover the real target is a corrupt ex-CIA operator, James Munroe (Eric Roberts), who’s controlling the General.  Barney’s real motivation turns personal after the initial scouting mission.

After watching the Expendables, one thing is clear:  I need a damn hearing aid.  I don’t mean to sound like an 80 year old man, but my goodness, this is a loud film.  It’s also obnoxious.  The cameos are pathetic.  And I feel like this movie is getting a free pass because its main selling point is that it contains all these high level action stars kicking ass.  No.  Screw that.  I expect better from Stallone, the man who brought us the Rambo movies.  He is capable of making much better action flicks than this, but I get the sense he felt like he had a free pass to do whatever he wanted because the stars of the movie will sell itself.  In fact, in the first five minutes, Stallone makes the credits more interesting than the actual first scene.  He wants you to watch the names come across the screen rather than pay attention to what’s happening.

I’ll give you that there are some entertaining and fun scenes, but it’s nothing we haven’t seen before.  I didn’t hate this movie, but I’ll remember nothing from it.  In fact writing this review is hard because once the credits came on, my mind instinctively hit the erase button before I was even out of the theater.

The characters are a complete waste of time.  There is absolutely nothing interesting about any of these people.  Sylvester Stallone.  Jason Statham.  Jet Li.  They are all interchangeable characters.    Surprisingly, the most interesting character was Gunner, played by Dolph Lundgren, who actually gives a solid performance.  He kind of drifts away from the Expendable group and turns against them.  Also, Mickey Rourke had a couple nice scenes.  But that’s about it.

As good as the action is I was reminded of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen quite a bit.  The climactic scene is so cluttered with explosions and fights that I just became numb to it all.  Oh, and did I mention this movie is loud.  I’m dead serious, my ears were in pain.  You have explosions going on in one ear, awful dialogue being yelled at in the other, and the score sounds like a bunch of fat people running through a glass room making as much pointless noise as humanly possible.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Sylvester Stallone as much as the next guy, but he mailed it in here, both in acting and directing.  The worst part about this movie are the cameos.  I got an Ocean’s 12/Funny People vibe.  They were making it to entertain themselves and not the audience.  And let me give a little SPOILER warning for the rest of this paragraph.  The trailers and ads try to sell you on Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis being in this movie.  Well, they are in it…for one scene.  And they don’t even fight or shoot anyone!!!  It’s just a quick dialogue scene!!  Yeah, that’s what I like about Schwarzenegger and Willis: Talking scenes.  Unbelievable.  And I get they only had Arnold for a limited time, but you shouldn’t even have him in the movie for just a quick talking scene.  And he’s just there so Stallone can make a couple bad jokes about him.  Give me a break.

Well, that’s The Expendables.  There is no reason for this movie to exist.  The action is pretty good, but it’s nothing special.  I think you’ll be mildly entertained.  But like I said, I forgot about this entire movie approximately three seconds after it ended.

Rating: 5 out of 10 (Passable Entertainment)