June 26, 2009

Movie Review – Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Plot: The Autobots remain on Earth to help the Government search and destroy Decepticons. Eventually they learn of an ancient enemy leader that plans to arrive on Earth and is in search of an energy source in which Sam Witwicky holds the key to finding.

When I walk into a Michael Bay film, I understand that the basic elements of plot and character development are flushed down the toilet, but one thing I don’t expect is to be completely and utterly bored out of my mind. That’s what happened when I saw Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The first movie is decent. It’s solid action and the humor was tolerable and even sometimes funny. But this sequel…it’s just atrocious. It’s elementary school humor, it’s cluttered with robots, but the worst part is that it moves so damn slow! I wanted to take a nap.

So what made the first Transformers work? The robots were handled very well. They were eased into the story and we get a sense of who they are. There are a few choice Autobots and Decepticons and we accepted them as an audience. This made us appreciate the battles. In this one, it’s just a complete mess of robots from each side and I don’t even know what the hell is going on. Who’s fighting who?! The only one I know for sure who I’m looking at is Optimus Prime, the Autobot leader. So as good as the battles are in this movie, it doesn’t matter because I had to focus all my energy concentrating on who everyone was. This is a Michael Bay movie, stop making me think.

Another major problem are the damn jokes. I’m serious, it gets close to Batman & Robin territory. What also made the first movie acceptable was that the robots didn’t talk that much except for Optimus Prime, who should talk a lot. And their voices are so annoying. Especially annoying are these twin characters that are bright green and red. They are nothing but stereotypes, and they weren’t even the worst robots for me. That prize goes to an ancient Decepticon who talks in kind of a British accent. There is this scene where he just rambles on and on, and you have no idea what he’s saying while the human characters are just screaming back incoherently. I felt like I was at the damn dentist. I hated this character. The only reason he’s not worse than Jar Jar Binks is because he doesn’t have many scenes.

As far as the human characters go, they are tolerable. But really, all they do is run around screaming: “Optimus!!!!!!!!!!” “Sam!!!!!!!!” “Bumblebee!!!!!!!!” Oy vey. I like Shia LaBeouff. I think he’s a good actor, I just wish he would do better movies. I also think Megan Fox in the first movie was more than just eye candy and actually showed potential, but in this movie, yeah, she’s just eye candy. There isn’t one human character I can say I liked, but I didn’t hate any of them. I guess that’s somewhat of a positive.

The prime issue with this film is the pacing. The first half was passable. It was stupid, but I wasn’t bored and was somewhat entertained. The second half was horrible. You have no clue what’s going on. At one point it’s just Shia LaBeouff’s character Sam Witwicky running for forty-five minutes shouting “Optimus” while the over the top and horrible score blasts in your ears. You can’t even see any fighting as the screen is covered with sand and explosions. It’s so grueling to get to the big final fight that we’re all waiting for, but even that was a huge letdown! It’s like Michael Bay said, “Oooops. I guess I ran out of budget.” Unbelievable.

Well, was there anything I liked? There was one fight early on in the forest that was pretty cool. Why was it cool? It was set in an area where you could clearly see what was going on. Also, it was a clear one-on-two battle, so you knew who was fighting and why. That was enjoyable. I am impressed with the robot special effects. These are big giant machines, but they don’t look too fake and are interwoven pretty well into the film. Also, there is a scene where one of the Decepticon leaders ties Sam Witwicky down to a car that got kind of dark and had some good voice acting. I’m actually pissed because the teaser trailer gave me the impression that they were going to go a bit dark in this one and step it up from the previous entry. Boy, was I wrong.

So all in all, for a movie about robots fighting, it’s excruciatingly boring. If they cut forty-five minutes to an hour, it would have been decent entertainment. A lot people gave X-Men Origins: Wolverine a hard time, but that was an okay film for two reasons: First, it moved at a quick pace. Secondly, it never hampered down into juvenile humor territory like this one did.

So please, stay away from this one, and don’t fuel its success.

Rating. 3.5 out of 10.

June 16, 2009

Movie Review – Up

Plot: After the death of his wife, old man Carl Fredricksen vows to fulfill his wife’s dream of living on top of a mystical mountain in South America. Carl straps together hundreds of balloons in order for his house to fly to the continent.

Not Pixar’s best. Up is okay. It has some flashes of greatness, but it didn’t connect with me as much as some of Pixar’s other works like The Incredibles or Wall-E. I like the movie, but I wasn’t blown away like every other critic. It opens strong, but there were some yawns in the middle. The characters and story were just kind of ‘meh.’ Maybe it’s because I’m comparing it to the previous Pixar picture, Wall-E, which had a fantastic story, and the characters were amazing considering it was about a robot that was only capable of shouting his name in a really annoying way. Don’t get me wrong though, there is plenty to like in Up.

Russell (voiced by Jordan Nagai), the wilderness scout who accompanies Carl on his journey was a pretty funny character. I loved the close up shots of his facial expressions. He’s so damn irritating and doesn’t shut up, yet he made me laugh because it was Carl he was annoying and not me. One of the funniest jokes comes out of Carl thinking of tactful ways to quiet him. The relationship Carl and Russell develop throughout the film is one of the best parts. It’s the classic Odd Couple theme, but it’s played just right.

Now the other character I want to mention is a dog. No, not the dog from all the commercials. That was Dug (voiced by Bob Peterson), who was mildly entertaining. The dog I’m talking about is a Doberman who’s one of the main villains. One of the key elements of the movie is that all the dogs (and there are a lot of them) can talk through a special collar. There a few jokes about the Doberman’s voice, but the best part about him is his dialogue. He has the funniest lines by far.

Unfortunately, the character I was most disappointed with was actually Carl Fredricksen. Maybe it was the previews, but I expected a cranky, funny and spunky old man, but he was only kind of cranky, kind of funny, and despite the fact that he tied hundreds of balloons to his house to make it float away, there really wasn’t much spunk to him. Ed Asner does a fine job of voicing him and he’s very likable, but I was just underwhelmed by the character. He was supposed to be soft spoken I guess, but he could have been so much funnier. He has some good moments, such as a leaf blower incident in the beginning, and some clever scenes with his walker, but overall, I wasn’t impressed.

Also, the main villain (voiced by Christopher Plummer) was awful. There was nothing there. To be fair, they really wanted to focus more on the dogs as bad guys, but he is still the main antagonist and he was just bland as hell. Also, his main obsession and driving force throughout the movie I won’t give away, but it’s not very interesting.

That’s how I felt about most of this movie. The villain’s motives were boring, as was Carl’s motives. They were surrounded by clever and interesting ideas such as the balloons, but his goal to set up his house on this special mountain in South America was very whatever.

The relationship between Carl and his wife, Ellie (voiced by Elie Docter), was done exceptionally well in the beginning. But as the movie went on, there was too much time spent on Carl reflecting on important objects from his past that involved his wife. I understand it was crucial to Carl’s character and why he does the things he does, but every other line of dialogue was him mentioning his wife. It was just too much.

Even with all my complaints, I did have a good time watching this film. I definitely recommend seeing it. All the scenes with the dogs are worth the price of admission. Also, as a little side note, there is this big blue bird, and every time he made a noise it had me in stitches. I don’t know why, but it’s absolutely one of the best birds to ever appear in a film.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10.

May 31, 2009

Movie Review – Terminator Salvation

Plot: Judgment Day has come and gone. The year is 2018. John Connor strives to live up to his destiny in leading the human race against the machines in this Terminator sequel.

When I first heard about this sequel, my reaction was “whatever.” It’s not that I hated 2003’s Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, it’s just that I lost interest in this story. All three Terminator movies are the same! A Terminator comes back from the future to kill John Connor while someone else tries to protect him. When I heard that Terminator Salvation was actually about the post-apocalyptic war that had always been hinted at, I was skeptical. Seeing the robot war for a minute in the other films made it legendary and interesting. Seeing it as a whole movie worried me a great deal. My basic conclusion after watching Salvation though is this – the action scenes are absolutely incredible, and that kept me satisfied.

Let’s face it. There will never be another Terminator as good as the two James Cameron films. Get over it. As this one was about a war, it didn’t have that one-on-one conflict that made the other movies so endearing. What Salvation does have though are action sequences that are equal to the previous entries, and at times even better. Of course every Terminator flick has to have its customary car chase where everything gets destroyed. Honestly, the chase in this one might have been my favorite in all the movies.

I was really impressed with the direction and effects. Everything looked pretty good. It didn’t look fake, which is of course a big problem when using a lot of CG. One of the most important elements in a Terminator movie is of course the robot effects. Except in this one its importance is elevated 800% because it actually centers on the robot war. And I have to say, all the robots here look fantastic. They are terrifying and bad ass, which is the point.

The worst parts about Salvation are the supporting characters. They are bland, predictable and I just didn’t care about them. I’m talking about people like the General of the resistance, played by Michael Ironside. Oh hey, do you think John Connor is going to argue with him a lot and undermine his authority through out the movie and the General is going to try and be a real hard ass? Yeah, we haven’t seen that a hundred times.

Also, Bryce Dallas Howard plays Kate Connor, John’s wife, and she is forgettable. She’s supposed to be important, but just felt really forced here. The two most important characters (John Connor and Marcus Wright) are very well developed though. Christian Bale always brings intensity and is great once again. I actually wanted to see more of John Connor. There are long periods of time he’s not present. Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) is also a very intriguing character, but I can’t really go into his role without giving too much away. I can honestly say though he keeps up with Bale’s intensity and the two work very well together. The problem is these are the only interesting characters.

Bottom line: If you love action movies, this will be heaven. I can’t stress that enough. It doesn’t have the character development the first two Terminator movies had, but it’s better than the third one. The last twenty minutes or so are just outstanding, and it gets you pumped for the next one. That’s also a flaw with all these Terminator movies. Nothing is ever truly resolved. I feel like we will never get to the end of this series. Regardless though, I would check Salvation out. The absolute best part of the movie though I don’t want to spoil, but when it happens, it’s pretty damn cool.

Rating: 7.0 out of 10

May 22, 2009

My Dream Punch-Out Cast

It’s one of the greatest video games ever made. What am I talking about? The odyssey that is Nintendo’s Punch-Out! The characters, the music, it was just an epic experience. Now I played the original version with Mike Tyson before they had to change it to Mr. Dream, or something like that, I don’t know. I’ll never forget when I beat Tyson. I had been playing that game for years and I finally won on a split decision. I’ve never even TKO’d the guy.

With the new Wii version that was just released, it got me thinking…What if they made a Punch Out movie? Who would the cast be? Assuming I had an unlimited budget, here is who I would love to see play the original characters from the game (Tyson not included).

Shia LaBeouf as Little Mac

Yeah, he would have to toughen up a little bit and not seem like such a dork, but I think Shia could pull it off. I would expect him to really go method and get inside Little Mac’s head. Little Mac has so much heart in the game, and Shia needs to express that to the audience. If he does…give him the oscar.

Forest Whitaker as Doc Louis

I don’t know why, but this just makes sense. The role of Doc (Mac’s trainer) requires an established veteran at the helm and Whitaker is certainly that. I thought about Denzel Washington for this role, but he would be way too intense. Doc drives Mac hard, but he’s always calm. Plus, it would be funny to hear Forest Whitaker say lines like “Join the Nintendo Fun Club today.”

Owen Wilson as Glass Joe

There is no other choice. This just fits.

Gary Oldman as Von Kaiser

As much as I love good ole Gary in the Nolan Batman movies, I miss him playing those sadistic bad ass villains. This makes him perfect for the crazy Von Kaiser. Oldman would knock this role out of the park. Look at those eyes!

Ken Wantabee as Piston Honda

He’s one of Little Mac’s most notorious opponents. Piston Honda is key. He fights Little Mac a second time, so we are going to need a top notch actor here. As long as Wantabee can move his eyebrows up and down at a fast and evil pace, he’ll be fine.

Ben Affleck as Don Flamenco

Cocky. Arrogant. Annoying. That is Don Flamenco in a nut shell. So why not Ben Affleck?

Dennis Franz as Bald Bull

So maybe you do some CG on his body, but come on, he’s perfect! Bald Bull is the most hard nosed out of the Punch- Out crew, so Franz is ideal here. I only worry that he may not be able to pull off the bull charge.

Dev Patel as Great Tiger

Fresh off his Slumdog Millioniare success, I think this would be a challenging but rewarding role for Patel. Even though most of Great Tiger’s performance would be special effects, you still need to bring a quiet intensity to the character. Don’t let me down, Dev.

John Goodman as King Hippo

I feel bad about this one because I love the man so much, and I’m sure no actor wants to hear these words from their agent: “They are interested in you for King Hippo.” The fact of the matter is though that John Goodman as King Hippo would be awesome. This is the comic relief of the film, so why not get one of the funniest actors out there.

Dolph Lundgren as Soda Popinski

For those who don’t know, Dolph was Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. Dolph would have to shave his head and grow a mustache, but he already has two key qualities for making a good Soda Popinski: He’s played a Russian in a boxing movie before. He’s also really intimidating.

Samuel L. Jackson as Sandman

The Sandman is the scariest fighter Little Mac goes up against. You need to fear the crap out of this guy. I think Samuel L. Jackson can pull it off. Can you imagine him saying lines like, “Time to put you to sleep Little Mac.” Wow.

Mickey Rourke as Super Macho Man

When I saw the Wrestler, I immediately thought of Super Macho Man. He was that guy in the movie. Now remember with no Tyson in the film, this is the final guy Little Mac would fight. He needs to be very well developed and so a fantastic actor is needed. If I could see Mickey Rourke as Super Macho Man in a Punch-Out movie I could die a happy man.

Well that’s my dream Punch-Out cast. Will it ever happen…probably not. Be sure to play the new Punch-Out on Wii, it kicks ass. And remember, “Join the Nintendo Fun Club today.”

May 9, 2009

Movie Review – Star Trek

Plot: An angry Romulan known as Nero vows revenge on the Federation in this sci-fi space epic prequel/reboot of the original Star Trek.

In the words of Keanu Reeves: “Whoa.” And I’m not a Star Trek fan. I’ve only seen the first two feature films and bits and pieces of Next Generation. To be honest, I never really liked it that much. Star Trek always bored me to tears. Every time I would catch it on TV, all they did was sit around in a big ship and the pressure of an attack would increasingly loom larger, but ultimately nothing ever happened. I understand they couldn’t do big space battles with the technology back then, but come on, give me something! This is why I was always a Star Wars guy and not a Trekkie. But in this film…holy matza ball soup! The damn movie opens up in a chaotic space battle.

All the action here is downright bad ass. Another thing that ticked me off about Star Trek was that everyone always carried around those phasers but barely used them. Not in this one! We get unbelievable laser battles, sword fights and even bar brawls. Everything I disliked about the series, the director J.J. Abrams (of Lost and Alias fame) said, “Ok, lets give this guy what he wants!” The beaming effects were incredible. These are some of the best special effects I’ve seen in a long time, and believe me, I’m not a special effects guy. The reason these battles were so fantastic though was because I cared a lot about the characters thanks to the top notch acting.

From the little knowledge I have of Star Trek, I thought these actors did a perfect job of emulating the characters they were portraying. Two actors stuck out in my mind. First off, Zachary Quinto as Spock was simply amazing. There are no other words to describe it. His intense look and the way he delivered his lines were just mesmerizing. As he is half human/half vulcan, seeing him play with both emotions was one of my favorite parts of the film.

Chris Pine of course plays James T. Kirk who was Captain of the Starship Enterprise in the original series. He was obnoxious and cocky, but you knew from the performance there was a great leader brewing inside him. It’s hard to believe that this actor was in Just my Luck with Lindsey Lohan. There really isn’t a weak performance here. Without a doubt the best acting I’ve seen so far this year.

I really don’t have much to complain about. I thought at times the music could have been better and wished it could have matched the epic scope of the film more, but I enjoyed it as time went on. The jokes at times got a little goofy and juvenile, especially with the character of Scotty (Simon Pegg) and his relationship with a small alien side-kick. Maybe this was some obscure throwback to the fans, I don’t know, but I found it annoying. But these moments were very minimal and the jokes are very funny for the most part. In a sci-fi movie like this, it’s easy to roll your eyes and sigh at the comedy, but not here. There are few misfires. I loved it all.

The best part about this movie is that it packs in so much action but develops the characters so well at the same time. J.J. Abrams knocked this franchise out of the park. I can’t speak for Trekkies who I’m sure will be going over this film frame by frame, but I can’t imagine they would be disappointed. And for non Star Trek fans, you can go into this with no knowledge of the series and still love it. The ability to please the fans and bring in a new audience at the same time is the true mark of a great filmmaker.

Rating: 9.0 out of 10.

May 2, 2009

Movie Review – X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Plot: We follow the classic X-Men character Wolverine and his origins from small boy to soldier to the Weapon X project. Wolverine seeks revenge on his brother Victor as well as all those who experimented on him.

The title should have been called Wolverine Fights A lot. That’s all he does. The movie feels like some two bit action extravaganza that Hollywood pumps out just in time for May, but because it’s Wolverine and because it’s Hugh Jackman, I accepted it and had a good time. But if you are expecting a powerful comic book movie like the X-Men trilogy was, you will be supremely disappointed. It’s just not that.

I guess for me because I grew up on Wolverine, watched the cartoon and the movies, that I didn’t need a deep character development. But if you know very little about Wolverine, you will be very confused and won’t care. It moves at a warp speed pace, which is fine, but it did bother me sometimes. I blinked for a second, and before I knew it Wolverine was strapped into a pool of water ready to get his famous adamantium transfusion. Can we have a little bit of a moment here? This is kind of important. Half the movie is practically all action, but the build up to this particular scene could have been better.

As I said before, Wolverine fights quite a bit. It felt like playing the classic Nintendo game Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out as Wolveirne moves up the ranks through out the movie fighting increasingly harder opponents until he literally goes up against the “Mike Tyson” of the film. Now luckily the fight scenes are pretty damn good. That’s all this movie really has going for it. For me, that’s what I loved about Wolverine. He always got into these bad ass fights.

There are three noteworthy acting performances. This is the fourth time Hugh Jackman has donned the claws and he was fantastic as always. What more can you really say? Liev Schreiber as Victor (also known as Sabertooth) actually stole the show for me though. He was truly a threatening antagonist to Wolverine and I liked their conflict a lot. What I didn’t like though was how it ended, but I won’t spoil it for you.

The other performance I really enjoyed was Ryan Reynolds as Wade Wilson. Now you don’t see too much of this guy, but when you do, you remember him well. Ironically, I found him to be one of the better developed characters in the movie. Then of course we have a smorgasbord of mutants who are pretty much just there for the hell of it. The rest of the acting is forgettable. It was awesome to see Gambit (Taylor Kitsch) who was one of my favorite X-Men characters. He walks around in a big brown trench coat and throws explosive playing cards. What more do you need out of a character? The answer is nothing.

So all in all, was I disappointed with Wolverine? Yes, I was. He’s such a great character and so much more could have been done here. Much like Spider-man 3, there are just too many underdeveloped characters that I ultimately ended up not caring about anyone. But unlike Spider-man 3, it was never goofy, and because of the fast pace I was always entertained and never bored. There was nothing that ticked me off about the movie, but there is nothing special here either. It’s worth seeing, but it’s just a nice little action flick that happens to star Wolverine and nothing more.

Ranking: 6.5 out of 10.

May 1, 2009

I Love Bagels

I love bagels. I was eating a bagel at Panera Bread the other day (decent bagels) and I came to the realization that my life would be meaningless without bagels. I don’t know who invented the bagel, whether it was the Einstein Brothers or Mr. Bruegger or whoever, but man, that person was on the ball that day. Over the years though the simple bagel has developed into hundreds of flavors, and even cream cheese has gotten several makeovers. There are even people out there who get butter on bagels. That’s just plain ridiculous. Just get cream cheese like everyone else, okay!

But I digress. Eating my lovely bagel today made me think of all the different bagels out there. What are my favorite bagels? I’ve decided to rank my top five bagels. Now lets all calm down, because I know this is a sensitive subject. There are a lot of bagels out there. They can’t all make the list.

My Top Five Favorite Bagels:

5) The Chocolate Chip Bagel:

– This isn’t loved by many people. In fact, most prominent bagel shops may not even sell them. I can’t blame them. Who would think chocolate chips and a bagel would work? Well, I’m a big chocolate guy, and for me it just made sense. Don’t be afraid of this one. Give it a try.

4) The French Toast Bagel:

-This is by far the strangest one on my list. It’s another rare one, but unlike chocolate chips, french toast and bagels seem to be the perfect marriage. They are both highly regarded breakfast foods, so why not put them together? And oh man, does it work. The only thing with this one is that it really only works at breakfast whereas most bagels you can eat at any time. If you haven’t tried this one though, you haven’t lived.

3) The Plain Bagel:

-The original. The pioneer. The one that started it all.

2) The Sesame Bagel:

-This is basically the plain bagel with a little something extra. I couldn’t tell you what makes sesame seeds so magical on a bagel. Maybe I don’t want to know. Let’s just leave it alone. I know some people love Everything Bagels, but in my opinion, there’s just too much going on. How can the bagel retain its identity with so much clutter on it? It ceases to be a bagel. The sesame seed is all you need. They go together like Han Solo and Chewbacca.

1) The Garlic Bagel:

-Garlic works on anything. Put it on a bagel and you have some kind of God like taste in your mouth. Aside from maybe needing a little gum afterwards, I feel like I can do anything after a fantastic Garlic Bagel. It’s the Michael Jordan of bagels. The only drawback is that sometimes the little garlic pieces fall off the bagel. Make sure you have a sufficient amount of cream cheese to lock the garlic taste in. Oh man, I love garlic bagels!

Well that’s my top 5 bagels. Some of my favorite mainstream bagel places include Einstein Bagels, Brueggers and Dunkin Donuts surprisingly has excellent bagels. Just stay away from Starbucks.